Week 1 - Success!

Week one of working was a success. I didn't even cry. I was happy, Kate was happy, Brett was happy, and my parents were definitely happy taking care of her (except my dad, who had pink eye and couldn't touch her, or really anything :( he was sad. but, they are coming back in two weeks, so he'll be happy then :)

Seriously, it was as good as I could have hoped for. It felt good for all of us. I really appreciated and enjoyed my time with Kate before and after work and over the weekend. I enjoyed my time at work. It was fun learning new things and meeting new people. So far, it feels really good. More to come I'm sure, but it's feeling like a good decision.

Gummy Bear

We've always called Kate "the little bear." My newest nickname, due to her lack of teeth and giant smile, is "Gummy Bear." She's the sweetest Gummy Bear I know!

A good laugh

Kate has a great sense of humor - check this out

Florida

I think these pictures are the cutest :) Kate loved Florida! She loved the pool, she loved the ocean - it was awesome. She was a great traveler. More vacations in Kate's future!

Big Day

Tomorrow's the big day. I start my new job.

I'm excited. I'm nervous. I think it will be good.

If you're looking for something to do, pray that Kate sleeps through the night. We have tried everything we can think of, and half the times she makes it and the other half she doesn't. There's no pattern. We just need God's mercy on this one, I think.

Merry Christmas!

Okay, I'm a little behind :) but here are some cute Christmas pics. Kate got some wonderful presents. She also really enjoyed the ribbon. We are very blessed to have such an amazing family.

High Ho, High Ho,

it's off to work I go!

Today I'm still in the Miami sunshine, but in a few weeks I'm starting a job. I'll be doing business consulting for a small company in Cincinnati called Seek Consulting. It's only about 30 people (it was 3 people just a few years ago.) I'll be their Marketing Director, a role similar to the kind of work I did at P&G, and I'll do consulting for corporations (including P&G, PGA tour, Jim Beam, whoever) to help them solve their business challenges.

I have to admit I have some weird emotions about it. I'm looking forward to trying something new - it will be interesting to be consulting vs. actually being the client. This type of work is a way that I express my creativity. It's part of how God made me, to figure out problems. But I'm also cautious - part of why I left P&G was because work had become my identity, and I'm not going to let that happen again. This will be a good test to see if I've matured enough to do it in a healthy way. I'm going to do part time, which is also key. And, it's super flexible, which is important to me. I'm also excited because the culture of the company is fantastic. The people are really awesome. So, we shall see!

Also, the thing I'm most excited about, is that one of our friends, Tara Dill, is going to take care of Kate. That is truly an answered prayer. I was asking God for someone we knew and trust to be available and interested in taking care of her, and Tara was feeling like she wanted a change to be with her girls more, so it worked out perfectly. I know this will be awesome. I love the way God works things out!

Florida Fun

Hard to say who loves the water more, me or Kate. She was very excited by the ocean :)

Thanks, peeps

I wanted to thank everybody for the responses to the "Please help me" post. You have, well, helped me, so thanks! She's not sleeping better yet, but I feel lots of encouragement. There is no substitute for great friends. I can't tell you how helpful this has been to me.

Some big picture things I've learned so far -

1) Mary Senff reminded me that I need to have faith and hope that Kate will sleep again. Kate is a great sleeper. She's in a bumpy patch, but we'll get out of it soon.
2) Tricia McClain helped me realize an interesting irony - I was very PROUD that Kate was a great sleeper for the first 6 months. Now that she's not, I'm angry at myself. Pride is an ugly thing, and performance is something I've struggled with in the past (as you all have observed.) I will not turn Kate into a report card - that's disgusting. I want to love her and make sure she's getting what she needs. That's it.
3) I have amazing friends, and when I need help, you are there!
4) It's cool to hear how everyone approaches this differently. I love that. Several of you sent me your thoughts via email, and what I loved was, particularly from the emails, people are doing all sorts of different stuff. There are some family bed peeps, some strong cry it outers, some eat in the nighters, and more. And you know why I love it, because you've all got different kids so of course there are all different approaches. Sweetness.

Related to Kate, my current hypothesis is that she is overtired and not getting good naps. So, my current focus is getting her good rest so I lay a good foundation. I'll let you know how that goes. Keep any thoughts coming on the other post - I really appreciate it!!!!!

Love ya - K

Always on message

I thought Michelle Obama looked amazing on Inauguration Day. Both outfits were incredible. The lemongrass / gold coat outfit was regal, royal, phenomenonal. So functional and fashionable to not just wear a coat but a coat / dress combo. Great. I thought the ball gown was excellent as well. So good for her tall, thin stature. It almost looked like it had feathers. I loved it.

I also thought that it was no accident that the designers were not well known names you knew, but were unknown, representatives of Change, if you will. As a marketer, I'd say that's not an accident. If you were to script the designers, which of course you could and I'd say did, they were both American, one from Cuba & one from Taiwan, one young & one older, both names you don't know. To me, that makes a statement about the possibility of the American dream vs. the establishment (say if she would have picked Oscar de la Renta. Excellent choice to always stay on message.

Please help me

We are having a sleeping crisis. I need some help please.

Kate was a great sleeper until month 6. Then, it all sort of fell apart. She wakes up in the middle of the night occasionally, and I can't figure out what to do. I've tried to follow the 2 highest rated sleep methods - Ferber and Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby (last one also endorced by resident baby sleep expert Alli Patterson.) Ferber is basically cry it out and learn how to soothe yourself baby. Weissbluth is very elaborate but basically stresses having a strict schedule of sleep. I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong, so I'd love for anyone who has a suggestion to throw it out. And, also, I'd love to just hear what you are doing that is working because I may just copy that and see if it works.

Here's what's happening - I've put her on the following schedule: nap 9-11am, nap 1-2pm, night 7pm - 7am. If she naps longer than that, I have to wake her up because then she wakes up in the middle of the night. If she naps less than that, she also wakes up in the middle of the night. We let her "cry it out", but that means that she can cry up to 4 hours from 2am - 6am. So, if we can stick to the schedule exactly, we're usually okay. But, sometimes she doesn't want to nap from 9-11am. She won't sleep, and I can't reason with her. Anytime she wakes up, from a nap or at night, she is screaming (and for the 2 hour nap, that's like 30 mins in the middle.) Mostly what our nights look like are that she wakes up at some point, maybe 5am, sometimes earlier, and just cries until we come and get her around 6:30am. I don't know what we're doing wrong. I'll basically do anything if she will sleep from the hours of 9pm - 6am (although I'd certainly love longer :)

Please help. The worst part is, the middle of the night is very frustrating for me. Brett can sleep through the whole thing, but I can't. I get angry at myself, like what am I screwing up. I get angry at God, like you could stop this so why won't you. Getting angry at Kate is of course what's next. I'm not interested in this anger and bitterness. Please help me, friends. Love ya - K

Sacrificial Love

I've been reminded that there is a lot of sacrifice with an infant. I have just accepted that we eat dinner out at 5pm or not at all. That's my normal. My parents and Linda and Dick Boggs, who are all retired and living each moment of their lives in total freedom, do not eat dinner at 5pm usually. Of course they are totally flexing to me and Kate, but I had almost forgotten the new world of sacrifice I live in.

Then I started reflecting about sacrificial love. I never understood what that could mean until Kate. I would never have chosen sacrifice, and now I don't do it because I want to. But that's part of being a mom. You give up your body in pregnancy. Then you give it up some more in breastfeeding. You give up sleep (this is proving my most difficult challenge - more on that later.) You give up dinner after 5pm. You give up more things than I could list.

And of course you get so much, her smiles are priceless to name just one thing. But a lot of it you don't see the reward for quite a long time. One thing's for sure - being a mother gives you a more crisp picture of sacrificial love than you would have otherwise.

Kate's first flight - SUCCESS!

Vacation is the best. I'm in Florida again this year and am loving it. Nothing like escaping the Ohio cold for the sunshine.

Kate was amazing on the plane! She LOVED it! I got lots of good tips from Andrea Roberts and the Schlaudeckers. I had the whole airport experience mapped out in my head step by step. It went so smoothly I was shocked. I was blessed to have a wide open flight so we had a whole row to ourselves. I gate checked the stroller and took the car seat on the plane. Kate ate on the way up and way down to help her ears, and she didn't cry one bit. She slept for an hour, and then just played and explored the rest of the time. So great.

I'm still here

I just want to let you know, I'm still going to blog.

Discipline. I need more rigor and discipline around many things. It appears this is one of them. I'll get back to you on my thoughts on that and commitment to this. I am committed to this, so I'm going to show it by adding some discipline.

Love ya!

Full on Joy

Now this is some full on Joy for ya -

Our friends Justin and Shelley are in China and TODAY they took their new baby girl, Layla, into their arms. It's a wonderful story - click on the link below to read about this miraculous day. One very cool part of the story - when they were matched with Layla, they found out she has a cleft lip and cleft palette. Justin was also born with a cleft lip and cleft palette. They got the agency to agree to wait to do the surgery until she gets to the US (so she can have the best care.) If you have time, also read the post on here about when their 2 1/2 year old son Henry picked out a teddy bear for Layla (it is so sweet!!)

http://www.bringinglaylahome.blogspot.com/

Ho Ho Ho

On a much more Joyful note, here are some of my favorite holiday photos. There were several, so I put them on a video. Enjoy!

Get it out

Today, I'm glad I have a blog. Why? Because I need to "Get it out." (PS - that is the title of my very good friend Alli's new blog, and I just ripped of her title. Partly as a plug :), partly because that's how I feel right now - I need to get it out.)

For those not in the 'Nati, we've experienced a terrible tragedy. You can read more about it here - http://www.wcpo.com/news/local/story/Xavier-Student-Dies-After-Christmas-Show-Fall/VarSU94WEUi4O737ToCFMg.cspx.

A girl died at our church while performing in the Christmas show. That's not supposed to happen. Understatement. So I'm going to process out loud here a bit. It feels like it will be helpful to me, so that's what I'm going to do.

I realized today that while I still trust God in the future, I don't trust Him for that moment. Does that make sense? For that moment when this happened, I don't trust Him. I can believe in Him for the future, and trust Him again for next time, but I'm not so sure about that moment in the past.

So what does that mean? Well, I guess my next conclusion is, I don't fully believe that God is good. He says He's always good, but I guess I don't believe Him fully. And the root issue is, my definition of good is not the same as His, and I'm deciding my definition is right and His is wrong. Oops. Hold on. Stop. I better repent of that right now. He has to teach me what good is. When God says suffering is good, my flesh disagrees. Flesh, you are wrong. Sorry. God has to teach me what is good, and I have to line up with Him (not the opposite.)

A few more random thoughts in this -

Love looks different in suffering. It's easy to love God when things are good. It's a different, harder, but maybe more pure? type of love in suffering.

I'm interested in / ready for the End Times. I don't even really know what that means, but I'll tell you some of what it means for me. In John 14:12-14, it says the following -

12I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. 14You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

The night this happened, there were at least 10 of us who stayed up all night asking God to heal this girl. We asked him to do it in Jesus name. It is within God's character to heal. One of God's names is "Jehovah Repheka" which means The LORD is Healer. So if His name is Healer, I know I can trust Him to heal. But in this case, He didn't. I'm looking forward to the day when John 14:14 happens. I'm ready for that. Now I know that also will mean more suffering, but it also means we're getting closer to paradise. So, bring it.

One last thing (for now anyway) - the day after this happened, Brett told me to go to the church. No reason in particular, just go. A lot of my friends work there, and I thought I could just be there as a support. I ran into one of my friends named Darin. He used to be a brand manager at P&G, and now he is the executive pastor for the church. When I saw him, I asked him what I could do for him and he said, "I want peace. Pray that God will give me peace." Kate was sleeping in her car seat (just as she is pictured below), and he said, "I want THAT kind of peace." So I said, "Touch her hand, she'll impart her peace to you." It seemed weird, but that's what I said. The next day he saw Brett and thanked him for what Kate had given him. Brett looked puzzled, and he explained that Kate had given him peace, the thing he needed most. In the midst of death, it's reassuring to know that Life and Love ultimately will triumph. We're in a war. We know the outcome of the war, but as we lose some battles, it's encouraging to remember the victories.

Viruses

I hate viruses.

My computer has a virus.

I have a virus (well, really just a cold, but virus is the theme.)

What do I do for the computer? I downloaded a free anti-virus thing from Time Warner (per Andrew French, who is awesome!) But now my computer is still running slow. Hence, the lack of posts lately.

Boo hoo.

For a more powerful brain -

Have a baby!

I saw this on Oprah the other day and I thought it was fascinating.

Jennifer, a mom from Wayne, New Jersey, says she began noticing differences in the way her brain worked after giving birth to a baby boy. Dr. Oz says this is a real condition known as "mommy brain." Dr. Oz says Jennifer's son, Benjamin, used up a lot of her omega-3 fats while he was in the womb. "Eighty percent of our brains are fat," he says. "So the baby sucks up a lot of that vital nutrient, sometimes potentially to the detriment of the mother." During pregnancy, Dr. Oz says a woman's brain also shrinks by about 8 percent. "You don't lose cells. The cells get smaller," he says. "It might be because you're focused on one thing, but the good news is after you give birth, your brain begins to rewire quickly. … Your brain actually gets more powerful than before you got pregnant."To combat "mommy brain," Dr. Oz recommends taking omega-3 fatty acids and getting plenty of sleep. "[Omega-3 is] important because we know that it actually allows women to recover from depression faster if they have depression after pregnancy," he says. "It also allows the brain to grow."

Sleep and Omega 3 fatty acids - do it.

6 months old!

Kate is 6 months old :) She weighs 17 1/2 lbs and is 26 1/2 inches. That's the 80% percentile - she's a healthy baby (obviously, look at those cheeks!) Yay, Kate! I love this baby!