Joy and Delight

I heard some wonderful parenting advice yesterday that hit me hard.  I want to share it (and document it so I don't forget it.)  The advice was to ENJOY AND DELIGHT IN YOUR CHILDREN.  And when you do, they become a JOY AND DELIGHT to you.  There is a verse in John 1:14 that talks about a child being "a joy and a delight" to her parents.  The couple that shared the advice, who are great parents of a 14 and 10 year old, said that the way your children become a joy and delight to you is that you enjoy and delight in them.  They commented that often children become our projects; we work very hard at raising them right, reading books and learning all we can, etc.  But when we enjoy them, they become a joy to us.

My experience with this is so true.  I LOVE playing with Kate, and I have to make sure I am having fun too.  A recent example - I was getting bored in the morning just sitting around the house playing with toys.  So, we started taking walks.  Then, I tried to convince Kate to walk continuously, and I was getting annoyed that she wanted to stop every minute to look at stuff.  But then I started going with her flow a bit more.  I crouch down with her and explore.  There is lots of fun new stuff to see - stuff I've never seen before, like new varieties of plants.  My point is, there is an intersection point between her fun and mine, and although it takes some work to find it, it's worth it, because at the end, there is joy.

A few other examples - she LOVES swimming, and boy is that a delight to me!  She sticks her face in the water and absolutely cracks up laughing!  We got a raft for $1 that is a horse; I put it around my waist, she straddles the horse's head, and we gallop around the pool.  Hilarious.  But today, she only wanted to swim for 20 minutes.  I would have stayed much longer, but she didn't want to; so we went home.  Not perfect given the amount of time it takes to get there, get dressed, wash off the chlorine, etc.; but still worth it because we both had fun.  

At Coney Island (the very cheesy but super fun place we swim most days), there is a sign on the wall that says, "You don't stop playing because you grow old.  You grow old because you stop playing."   I love to play; it's the best.  If you've forgotten how, call me and I'll help you remember what you enjoy.  One small thing I do - I buy toys that I think are fun.  If I think they're boring, I'm not going to want to play with them, and then Kate and I don't get to enjoy them together.  Finding intersection points - very important.

The other main part of the lesson for me is to not get bogged down in figuring out exactly what Kate needs.  There are lots of things that need to happen, and I can't focus too much time on those and forget about enjoying her.  For example, I hate thinking about what she should eat in a day.  It's a stress and a chore to me for many reasons (including I hate thinking about food and I have a ridiculously high bar for what healthy is for her - not only should she eat 5 fruits and veggies a day, they should represent the different colors of the rainbow to give her varying nutrients, then there should be a daily variety, etc.)  Well that doesn't ever happen, either because I don't have that many foods or if I do, she doesn't want to eat them.  So who cares!  If she's not in the mood for blueberries, the rainbow is incomplete, let's move on with our lives.  She doesn't fall asleep when she "should" - again, life will go on (even if it means she wakes up in the middle of the night, it will be okay.)  

These things rob my joy, and I want to get rid of the burden of performance that tells me these are the things that make me a good mom.  It's a lie.  If she poops 3 times a day because all she eats is raisins, cheese, yogurt and milk and she skips her afternoon nap and then wakes up in the middle of the night, it's inconsequential to my love for her.  Enjoying and Delighting in Kate is what makes me a good mom.  And that's when I see my friendship with her grow.

"Liquid Satan" requires self-discipline

Today, Kate reached for something she wasn't supposed to touch.  She knew she wasn't supposed to touch it, and as a result, she used her left hand to hit her right hand and tell it, "No, don't touch."  Then, she pulled the right hand back to her chest and the left hand came back and comforted it, "It's okay."  [Note - she didn't actually say these words, but it was clear that's what her actions were saying.]

The back story is, starting at about 5 months old, we would discipline Kate by hitting her hand and telling her no.  You may say that's too early, but she knew what she was doing.  And we believe physical consequences are an important part of the natural world (e.g. I don't put my hand on the stove because it will hurt.  Pain is very helpful tool...ask the few people in the world who don't experience physical pain - it's a problem.)  Whether you personally agree with us or not, we felt this was right for Kate.

It's amazing to me how naturally obedient Kate is.  I love that she is displaying self-discipline (literally, in this case.)  I pray that she maintains this skill throughout her life.

I could actually use a little more self-discipline myself.  Today someone told me they were reading a book that built a case for why Diet Soda is "Liquid Satan."  Yikes.  It referenced the amazing and ridiculous way it got approved by the FDA (via pay-offs, shady ignoring of poisoned rats, etc.)  So later, I reach in the fridge to grab for one and God says, "Really, you hear that it's the equivalent of drinking Satan and an hour later you can't refrain?"  Caveat is, I'm not saying God is universally against Diet Coke (He may be, but I don't know that for sure and that's not what I'm saying here.)  But what I do think is, God was challenging me to pick Him over my will and my desire in that moment.  

So, my right hand slapped my left hand and said "No, Don't touch."  I comforted myself by drinking a coffee instead :)

Kate has a lot to say

Kate's had a lot to say lately.  It's funny to think about what words she's learning first - not necessarily the ones I'd expect, but that's what's fun.  Here's some of what she's saying - 

"Pooh!  Pooh!  Pooh!" then she laughs.  - We think she means Winnie the Pooh Bear since that's the way her room is decorated, but it could also mean that she's just gone to the bathroom.  We kind of wish we would have come up with different words for those two things...

"Wow!",  "Whoa!" and "Cool!" - All expressions she's imitating, with lots of enthusiasm.  Brett says the first, Jeanne says the second, and I say the last one. 

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" then she nods and smiles excitedly.  When she wants something, this is what she says.  Also a newer one, if I have something she wants she says "Me, Me" to convince me to give it to her.

"Ball", "Baby", "Book" - her favorite toys, which all happen to start with an easy letter.  Also "Balo" which means balloon. 

Brett says he's heard her say "Yellow" and Hyland and Scott Dill said she said "Purple" - I guess those are her favorite colors...Christine Wilson has told me that color theory would suggest those colors go best together, so maybe Kate's artistic.  (Reference to color theory = primary color + the secondary directly across from it - Red & Green, Blue & Orange, Yellow & Purple.)

"Go, Go, Go!" is a big favorite.  She loves to go outside; she gets her shoes and walks to the door to encourage you to take her out there.

"Did it!" is also a huge fave.  When she does something new or good, Brett and I say "You did it" and clap for her.  Now she encourages herself via self-affirmative clapping and the "Did it!" cry.

Overall, I feel like she's learning so much right now.  She seems to be putting a lot of language and communication principles together.  She learned where her feet, nose, head, and mouth are.  At the grocery store, she plugged her nose - something must have smelled stinky to her.  I love this sweet baby!

Pink

Aunt Emily & Kate - Two cuties in pink...adorable!

What fun!

Someone recently said that I'm a kid trapped in an adult's body.  I think that's probably right.  I can't believe how much fun is out there!  We took Kate to the zoo recently and it was fantastic!  You could feed the giraffe right up close!  Kate was not a huge fan of it though, and I realized she's right, giraffe's have gross tongues.  She like the elephants and the bears a bunch.  Can't wait to go back again soon!  A few pics here, and a video of pics.