We are having a sleeping crisis. I need some help please.
Kate was a great sleeper until month 6. Then, it all sort of fell apart. She wakes up in the middle of the night occasionally, and I can't figure out what to do. I've tried to follow the 2 highest rated sleep methods - Ferber and Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby (last one also endorced by resident baby sleep expert Alli Patterson.) Ferber is basically cry it out and learn how to soothe yourself baby. Weissbluth is very elaborate but basically stresses having a strict schedule of sleep. I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong, so I'd love for anyone who has a suggestion to throw it out. And, also, I'd love to just hear what you are doing that is working because I may just copy that and see if it works.
Here's what's happening - I've put her on the following schedule: nap 9-11am, nap 1-2pm, night 7pm - 7am. If she naps longer than that, I have to wake her up because then she wakes up in the middle of the night. If she naps less than that, she also wakes up in the middle of the night. We let her "cry it out", but that means that she can cry up to 4 hours from 2am - 6am. So, if we can stick to the schedule exactly, we're usually okay. But, sometimes she doesn't want to nap from 9-11am. She won't sleep, and I can't reason with her. Anytime she wakes up, from a nap or at night, she is screaming (and for the 2 hour nap, that's like 30 mins in the middle.) Mostly what our nights look like are that she wakes up at some point, maybe 5am, sometimes earlier, and just cries until we come and get her around 6:30am. I don't know what we're doing wrong. I'll basically do anything if she will sleep from the hours of 9pm - 6am (although I'd certainly love longer :)
Please help. The worst part is, the middle of the night is very frustrating for me. Brett can sleep through the whole thing, but I can't. I get angry at myself, like what am I screwing up. I get angry at God, like you could stop this so why won't you. Getting angry at Kate is of course what's next. I'm not interested in this anger and bitterness. Please help me, friends. Love ya - K
Pursuing Dreams
5 months ago
9 comments:
Note to readers - yesterday we were on the exact schedule laid out and still Kate woke up at 4:30am.
Also, I know this may not sound like a "crisis" but if you found this blog in any way other than hitting next, you know how I feel about sleep. It's a core value of mine.
Thanks! Krissy
Krissy -- when do you give her a bath? Just gathering information. Love you!
Krissy - I'm so sorry to hear this is still going on. I actually called yesterday because I wondered how you guys were doing...and then saw this post. I'm kind of at a loss here. I'm going to pray for you and Kate and see what the Lord has to say.
I understand the anger. There have been plenty of times when I've had to forgive my kids for not doing what I want them to do . This is for my sake. If you do get angry at Kate, just forgive her. It's for you. I have felt silly the times when I've had to say "Luke I forgive you for waking up early from your nap!" - but there is something to it.
Anyway - I'll call you later today.
Love you.
when ever brady gets off of his sleep routine we have lots of issues so i know how you feel. We have to do the cry it out method. It is the only thing that works for him. So he has cried for 4 hours before. I know it is so hard to listen to, and by the time it is over i usually end up with a twitch from the stess. I dont know how long this has been going on but most of the time it is a phase and then sometimes the phase turns into a habit. keep us posted.
My number one lesson as a mom: everything sounds much easier in the book than in real life! I too think Weissbluth is a very smart guy, and we got lots of great advice from him... but I think life is a little more complicated than a strict "schedule." I prefer to think of a FLEXIBLE schedule. I think Kate is just trying to figure out her little routine right now, and I COMPLETELY understand the middle-of-the-night crazies. As you know, I become horribly sad, angry, frustrated, helpless, etc... and Jeff just doesn't get it. It's a mom thing.
Anyway, do you have a really set routine in the evenings? And do you respond in the same way every night at 3, 4, 5 AM? Kate might be thinking, "They usually come and get me within an hour or two, so I just have to KEEP CRYING and they will eventually come!" Does she ever fly asleep after the really long cries? She sounds like she is very persistent and determined... great qualities later in life!
Last controversial thought... does she go to bed well at 7? I was trying desperately for the 7 PM thing, but I realized that my child wanted to sleep from 8:30 until 7:30. If I put him to bed at 7, he would get up in the middle of the night. This goes against Dr. Weissbluth (who I think is 95% right), but I think every child is unique.
Just some thoughts for now. We must talk soon so I can get some more details! Praying for you all...
Much love,
Liz
ugh. sorry. here's my 2 or 3 cents in no particular order:
- i've read that overtired babies have a harder time sleeping. it sounds strange that "if a baby sleeps more, they will sleep more," but this did turn out to be the case with my 2 babies. and with all this disturbed sleep, she's bound to be overtired. so whatever you decide to do, stick with it for a few days b/c you won't know if any of it is working until she's not overtired.
- the afternoon nap seems short to me. i would wake my babies up from their morning nap, but rarely did i cut the afternoon nap short. if they typically slept for 2 hours in the afternoon and one day slept 3, i let it happen. my experience has been it isn't until they are 2 years+ that they can't sleep at night b/c they slept too much during the day. before that, it's been the opposite.
- keep in mind she's unlearning a sleep routine as well as learning a new one. and, this may be scandalous, but i'll throw it out there: you once mentioned that at the same time you started the new method y'all took the pacifier away. i'm totally in favor of baby boot camp, and also, i think it's ok if you'd like to make one major change at a time. so maybe give her back her pacifier and if that works, well... get some sleep for a few months and then assess the pacifier situation.
- do you have a naptime/bedtime routine? routines that signal what's coming next? that helps.
- pray. pray over kate, pray for your home, you and brett. you hear the Lord and he's the only one that knows kate better than you. also, stay open with brett re: how this is going for you. tell him what you need from him. sometimes we moms can think "i'm in charge of baby, this is my problem." that's not the case.
all of the above has been 98% based on my personal experience so "wheat from chaff...", "baby from bathwater..." etc. love you, krissy! Bless you! you can do this!
Rachel - she's getting a bath in the morning. Although, I'll probably change that up when I start working. She doesn't get a bath everyday either, I'd say 4-5 times a week when she's dirty or if we're not doing something else.
Kelly - I did give in on the pacifier last week. I just want her to sleep. I do think she is overtired.
Last night, I tried for an hour to soothe her, pat her, rock her. When that didn't work, I let her sleep on me from 5-6am. I do NOT want to get into that pattern, because I can't sleep when she's on me, but to get a clean slate, I did it.
Liz - to your question, I'm pretty consistent about not going into her. Last night was the first time I have in a long time. Let's other than that, I've only gone in 2-3 times in the past 2 months.
I also think I need to flex the schedule more. You're right, she may not be able to sleep 12 hours. I'm fine with that, I'd love for her to go to bed at 8pm. I think now she's so tired that I can't get there yet, but we'll see what happens.
Thanks all - love you Krissy
oh kel (or anyone) - here's why I had the too much sleep hypothesis: if she sleeps 3 hours in the morning (like she did today!) and then 2 in the afternoon, that would be 17 total which seems like too much. I think she can only do around 15 1/2 - 16. Whaddya think?
A lot of my friends with kids that are Kate's age have seen the same sleep troubles at the 6 month mark. Some say it is because the kids are going through a growth spirt, others say they are teething, others who knows?! Anyhow, the Ferber CIO (cry it out) seems to be the most popular and effective amongst the mommies.
As for Brett being able to sleep through it, it must be something in his genes. I swear Brady could sleep through a MAC truck driving over our bed. Nothing wakes those silly boys up!
Hang in there. ((HUGS))
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