For those not in the 'Nati, we've experienced a terrible tragedy. You can read more about it here - http://www.wcpo.com/news/local/story/Xavier-Student-Dies-After-Christmas-Show-Fall/VarSU94WEUi4O737ToCFMg.cspx.
A girl died at our church while performing in the Christmas show. That's not supposed to happen. Understatement. So I'm going to process out loud here a bit. It feels like it will be helpful to me, so that's what I'm going to do.
I realized today that while I still trust God in the future, I don't trust Him for that moment. Does that make sense? For that moment when this happened, I don't trust Him. I can believe in Him for the future, and trust Him again for next time, but I'm not so sure about that moment in the past.
So what does that mean? Well, I guess my next conclusion is, I don't fully believe that God is good. He says He's always good, but I guess I don't believe Him fully. And the root issue is, my definition of good is not the same as His, and I'm deciding my definition is right and His is wrong. Oops. Hold on. Stop. I better repent of that right now. He has to teach me what good is. When God says suffering is good, my flesh disagrees. Flesh, you are wrong. Sorry. God has to teach me what is good, and I have to line up with Him (not the opposite.)
A few more random thoughts in this -
Love looks different in suffering. It's easy to love God when things are good. It's a different, harder, but maybe more pure? type of love in suffering.
I'm interested in / ready for the End Times. I don't even really know what that means, but I'll tell you some of what it means for me. In John 14:12-14, it says the following -
12I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. 14You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
The night this happened, there were at least 10 of us who stayed up all night asking God to heal this girl. We asked him to do it in Jesus name. It is within God's character to heal. One of God's names is "Jehovah Repheka" which means The LORD is Healer. So if His name is Healer, I know I can trust Him to heal. But in this case, He didn't. I'm looking forward to the day when John 14:14 happens. I'm ready for that. Now I know that also will mean more suffering, but it also means we're getting closer to paradise. So, bring it.
One last thing (for now anyway) - the day after this happened, Brett told me to go to the church. No reason in particular, just go. A lot of my friends work there, and I thought I could just be there as a support. I ran into one of my friends named Darin. He used to be a brand manager at P&G, and now he is the executive pastor for the church. When I saw him, I asked him what I could do for him and he said, "I want peace. Pray that God will give me peace." Kate was sleeping in her car seat (just as she is pictured below), and he said, "I want THAT kind of peace." So I said, "Touch her hand, she'll impart her peace to you." It seemed weird, but that's what I said. The next day he saw Brett and thanked him for what Kate had given him. Brett looked puzzled, and he explained that Kate had given him peace, the thing he needed most. In the midst of death, it's reassuring to know that Life and Love ultimately will triumph. We're in a war. We know the outcome of the war, but as we lose some battles, it's encouraging to remember the victories.
3 comments:
I agree that kids can impart things so easily out of their pure hearts! Yes! I just told Mary and Tim this last week...the Lord wants childrent to put their hands on JT and pray for him. I often ask Andrew to pray and last night I asked the Lord to give him the gift of healing. I think we're supposed to ask for BIG gifts that need BIG faith to settle upon our children. I fully expect that one day on the playground someone will fall down and Andrew will go over and say "Jesus heal my friend" and Jesus will do it. I'm waiting for that. I hope I get that kind of faith imparted to me from children. And it was big faith of you and Darin to suggest and receive that peace from Kate.
Cool story.
That makes lots of sense to me. It's always easier to learn stuff when you are a kid. Because Andrew will have a foundation from childhood of God as Healer, he will comfortably believe and walk in that his whole life.
One more thing on this that I think is important - I can't tell you why from my brain that when Darin looked at Kate he couldn't have her peace, but in holding her hand, he could. Imparting / giving things to people through communication and touch is unclear and still facinating to me. Much more to learn...
This is all good stuff.
Post a Comment